Summer vacation.. and my life!!!??

Guess what guys.. :O Another post. Yippie woohoo!!
So far.. not too much has happened.
I have a job opportunity..
I found out how much college is going to cost (Median Cost is $380,000)
Been thinking about how I think I wanna live in D.C.?? lol But of course I wanna visit it first.
And okay this blog thing is so almost pointless, but I plan on doing more with it later on this Summer. Hey you never know what i'll do, I did write a second post though heheheee lol..
I don't really have much more going through my mind than normal. School, not wanting to deal with money, hmm.. future.. duh! lol.. that's basically it all is anyways.
Ah but I was thinking about how my past connected with where I am now and without things happening I wouldn't be here and all that crap if it at all makes sense. lol.
OOooo, hey guess what I can totally right about Italy can't I??? haha.. well yes I can! lol.
In all seriousness, this past year has been a fantastic time of growth for me, well not all fantastic, guess that's the wrong word but yeah lol. I wanted to go to college real bad, I gave in and took my stupid GED. I would not have gone to college if I passed my chspe or went to high school, or didn't get pulled outta 8th grade or didn't have my heart procedure done.. bleh lol.
Fall semester came at the perfect time in my life, I am learning to give my life wholly to Christ and listen and follow him. It is a challenge for sure, and everyday I fail and everyday I try to pick back up where I left off and keep going. Without failing my music classes I would not have switched my major to something I love even more than Music, which is God, which is the reason I want to do music, but it's just not time I guess. I have no idea what led me to Italy in the first place, except God, which is what led me buut it's still hard to believe I am listening. I had enough money at the right time to get pay italy, mainly cause I did the math wrong and had to pay what i had in the bank instead of off the loan, but I spent all the money on things i needed, minus what i bought my friends, i am glad i did that though. Plus it all worked out anyways.
Christmas break was pretty good, I was able to stay calm and I enjoyed that break more than i ever had enjoyed a break before, it was just a little too long for me though, couldn't wait to start the semester and in Italy no less. Although truthfully I didn't have much emotion to the idea of Italy, even when there I was just like, eh whatever all i cared about was what i was learning, being in classes. I was also trying to get outta my comfort zone a little more, just as I had been doing in the fall semester; cept this time I was working on keeping it cool, like I always do, going back and forth in my observation of how people react to things i do and when i don't do that. I didn't do that much in the fall, a couple peopled saw that when i got back from italy, which was when i was trying to start that again. I don't like to upset people, and i tend to give people the wrong impression. I don't like how people judge but they do, i wish they would all just confront me and let me try to explain whatever the heck i did... but you don't get that in life most of the time, so i try to work on how i do things right off. Which is hard too. Ah not to mention I am working on trying my best at that so I don't have to regret any of what I do, and come to terms with its not my fault that people see things the way they do, including me, i cannot forget that i am a person who may see things differently than the person originally intends them too also. So yeah. (sorry distracted a bit, was texting) hmm where was I??? ah lets see if i got this right, lol.. So that's part of what I was working on while i was there, seeing all angles of things and digging inside of me, admitting to things and working on admitting them to people as well. I had a moment where i realized I didn't like people, yeah it was true just at the same time it wasn't. See I met a boy, some of you know who, and we talk a lot about who we are, our past, what bothers us about ourselves, and what we like about ourselves, our interests and who we think we are and what we want to be and those kinds of things. And he has helped me open up about a lot of stuff, now of course I can't say everything all at once, mainly cause I am still learning it and don't see it at first. But all that has to do with me making some connections. I didn't know why I didn't like people.. there were a few other things involved that I don't feel comfortable saying online so going on. And moving to Reno, not going to school being "alone" with just family for a couple of years really kinda, I don't know.. It just let me be in my shell i guess. High school life was basically that, I mean i got in some time with school and people every so often buut basically being poor and moving a lot cause of it and a few other reasons at times didn't do much to helping me in anyway.. well at least at the time.. I say looking at it now, it kinda did help me get to this point. But yeah.. hmmm Back to Italy??? lol.. grrr distractions distractions.. i get mixed up at what the whole point was sometimes, but technically it does all connect lol. Okay so Italy, well yeah I think that's basically it. I mean I talked to a couple people about it, I am trying to take others more into consideration, I am trying to admit and see myself and my issues for what they are, or at least could be. I want to do a lot with my life and part of that means I have to get comfortable in my own skin.. with who i am. And I want to have people there for me, and I want to be able to be there for other people as well. So speaking of that dude, coming to this point, I am able to now not look at other people and always have multiple people in my head, I am able to control more of what is in my head by admitting to it.. it really works when you try to get to the root of any issue you have. Like you have a hard time seeing what people see, why? Look to my past look at how I think of myself.. try to make connections.. why do people react to me in these ways? Most of the time you won't see the issue that you have until you go looking or look to other people to help pinpoint it. I talked with people, but I really relied on God. And I admit I still struggle with my past a bit, but I have to come to the point where, hey I am not going to let this bother me, I have something ahead that could end up great and I don't want to pull myself down any longer. I feel like some of this could be from Daddy issues, but I honestly haven't figured that one out yet... and i'm not sure if i ever will, at least on my own. Statistics say it is so.. but this time I am not sure if it is specifically that or how I have made it in my own head. I believe most of our issues are in our head.. well not all the time and not always literally but yeah.
Okay.. dadadaaan!! I believe that life is a spiritual battle... seriously and all our issues are basically the devil prying into our mind, and God puts him there so we can learn about him better and who he is. Without issues we would not be able to fully understand the Love of God. Cause then life would be perfect and all dandy and we wouldn't have any issues about anything and God would just be our creator, we would not be able to understand what love really is, or why it is, with troubles and issues we can distinguish the difference between things in life, such as love.. and yeah. lol. :) Its just confusing so I do my best.. at least try to do my best, and I believe I am, sometimes. Sometimes I don't care and I just want to do nothing but be able to calmly think... but whatever.. right now this life is about God.. and what can I do to represent his love and why are we here? Well he wanted us.. who cares why exactly I mean in ours eyes it seems selfish in my opinion and i am sure it does to others too.. but why in the heck else would we be created or be here.. uh for the glory of our creator duh. Anyways.. i went a little like off a bit on everything I am pretty sure I have said what I wanted to.. for the most part lol.. buut whatever if i haven't i guess... I can say more another time..
And this a small portion of the life of my mind!
I "try" to hit every possible topic that has any connection to what I originally started thinking about.. :)
God Bless!!