its been just a bit since i've posted.. i was trying to wait till i had to time to put my notes together from the conference but it didn't happen.. so during break is when i'll get down to my business with this stuff.. ugg.. i have a book to read and blog about.. and then that awesome conference.. so much has been happening.. and my inability to organize my time.. i mean come on i really do have a ton of free time.
..not coming back to Bryan, either transfer or taking semester off, if the later then off to Kevin aka fathers.. need a job to be able to go back to school. I really am unsure of where my life is going to go from now on. i feel lead away from the political study... i've always felt a leading towards some kind of motivational career, especially in ninth grade, some kind of motivational leader/speaker person.. lol. politics is not motivating to people. ...if it were up to me i'd love to be a writer.. theologian :D but i don't know. we'll see where God takes me. my only hope is for it to be where Drew is, or at least somewhere close.
...someplace where i don't have to have a ton of focus lol... cause i don't have very much. :P
if anyone is interested in hearing my thoughts about a particular topic or something let me know.. i'd love to have something to blog about.. thought topic. the name of blog having to do with me basically blabbering about my thoughts/opinions about stuff lol.
off to go switch laundry and write a paper. ( i might postpone the paper till the day before its due..tomorrow.. ) i do love writing papers.. and man i'm tired..
i slept my entire friday away.. hope everyone had a great thanksgiving :D
God Bless!
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Friday, September 30, 2011
Interesting business going on I think not
My mind is very blah right now.. not sure what to say..
But I thought I'd at least say hi :D
I guess.. hmm that's weird..
Just.. i am in Love.. and its the most fantastic wonderfuliest thing in the world.
And I think God so much because without him I would not have met the man I love today. All the circumstances that brought me to the moment I met him. It makes me extremely thankful for his friend, I mean without them knowing each other it would not have happened either. I am so very happy and could not imagine life without him now that I have him. I do believe in the becoming one thing, it really is true, I guessed but now that I've experienced meeting the one that completes me it truly is amazing. And for those who are blessed to be single, enjoy it, God allowed you to be at peace with your singleness, and just use this time for a time of rejoicing and focus on only the Lord.
and the only other thing on my mind is, I used this new thing.. since I had a really bad irritation from my shampoo, since I'm allergic to soap anyways, I decided to look up something new and it just so happens to be cheap as well. It's baking soda, a lot of people have heard of it, but I haven't until the other day. So I got some and I tried it and my hair is really soft and has a lot more volume.. it's weird. It still feels a little more oily than I like it too right now, not to mention I couldn't get the mixture right but whatev.. but it is the firs time i used it so I am excited to see how it turns out.
well.. then... that's all I have to say tonight. I am going to bed now.. Love you all! God Bless!
But I thought I'd at least say hi :D
I guess.. hmm that's weird..
Just.. i am in Love.. and its the most fantastic wonderfuliest thing in the world.
And I think God so much because without him I would not have met the man I love today. All the circumstances that brought me to the moment I met him. It makes me extremely thankful for his friend, I mean without them knowing each other it would not have happened either. I am so very happy and could not imagine life without him now that I have him. I do believe in the becoming one thing, it really is true, I guessed but now that I've experienced meeting the one that completes me it truly is amazing. And for those who are blessed to be single, enjoy it, God allowed you to be at peace with your singleness, and just use this time for a time of rejoicing and focus on only the Lord.
and the only other thing on my mind is, I used this new thing.. since I had a really bad irritation from my shampoo, since I'm allergic to soap anyways, I decided to look up something new and it just so happens to be cheap as well. It's baking soda, a lot of people have heard of it, but I haven't until the other day. So I got some and I tried it and my hair is really soft and has a lot more volume.. it's weird. It still feels a little more oily than I like it too right now, not to mention I couldn't get the mixture right but whatev.. but it is the firs time i used it so I am excited to see how it turns out.
well.. then... that's all I have to say tonight. I am going to bed now.. Love you all! God Bless!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
I am.. words can't describe at the moment.
So.... well at the moment I can't remember exactly what.. never mind I remembered.. and I am such a dork for blogging now.. I need to be in bed.. now.. but whatever..
I think I'll just do a quicky talk.. TODAY HAS BEEN FANTASTIC. For many reasons I suppose, but overall I have just had a good day.
I found a site, where I will be writing short reviews about a book, but get free books man.. so I think I can talk about it a little, I mean how nice are they to give me a free book.. and I should have to do something in return right? (lol stage 1, kohlbergs moral development)
sleep in pysch.. last week about just war theory and all the war stuff in PP&E, and just a but load of development theories in lifespan CM. I just love all my classes, and ahh singing in chapel next sunday.. bleh.. lol. Its cool though.
I spoke in lifespan today.. lol eh.. never do that, but I love that topic.. soo... I mean no one ever gets where I'm coming from, well they just don't believe that someone could actually believe and have actions that support that really. but yeah.
.. and well.. I could go into details say more.. but I think I am done, cus I am trying.. trying.. to start a new/better sleeping schedual.. (and I didn't even do my reading guys.. ugg.. ) so goodnight!
I kinda hope someone actually reads this.. lol. or not.. I am totally okay with people not reading my thoughts but just saying it's out there. Might as well be anyways, people know who I am if I actually run for senate ever.. I hope I can but I am okay with not.. I don't know what God has planned for me.
I found an awesome Guy I would love to spend my life with, and I don't really want a job that takes up all my time. But same for him.. but hey.. retire early and be with him more often :) And then do ministry in another way, for free man cause we love people.. and even when you socially economically or whatever you call it retire you never retire from serving Christ! :)
God Bless my people! Hope everyone is doing good and staying positive. I hope I can be an encouragement however that is.. and feel free to blurt out your opinions I love them.. and let me know if you'd like me to respond, cus i will.. but i don't wanna seem rude in any way by my responds so just saying.. I have some hard opinions, that do hurt at times.. anyways.. just a warning.. although I doubt anyone but maaaybe.. my 2 friends who follow will even read or say anything.. lol. Love you anyways! :D
Hope and Love!
Outty!
I think I'll just do a quicky talk.. TODAY HAS BEEN FANTASTIC. For many reasons I suppose, but overall I have just had a good day.
I found a site, where I will be writing short reviews about a book, but get free books man.. so I think I can talk about it a little, I mean how nice are they to give me a free book.. and I should have to do something in return right? (lol stage 1, kohlbergs moral development)
sleep in pysch.. last week about just war theory and all the war stuff in PP&E, and just a but load of development theories in lifespan CM. I just love all my classes, and ahh singing in chapel next sunday.. bleh.. lol. Its cool though.
I spoke in lifespan today.. lol eh.. never do that, but I love that topic.. soo... I mean no one ever gets where I'm coming from, well they just don't believe that someone could actually believe and have actions that support that really. but yeah.
.. and well.. I could go into details say more.. but I think I am done, cus I am trying.. trying.. to start a new/better sleeping schedual.. (and I didn't even do my reading guys.. ugg.. ) so goodnight!
I kinda hope someone actually reads this.. lol. or not.. I am totally okay with people not reading my thoughts but just saying it's out there. Might as well be anyways, people know who I am if I actually run for senate ever.. I hope I can but I am okay with not.. I don't know what God has planned for me.
I found an awesome Guy I would love to spend my life with, and I don't really want a job that takes up all my time. But same for him.. but hey.. retire early and be with him more often :) And then do ministry in another way, for free man cause we love people.. and even when you socially economically or whatever you call it retire you never retire from serving Christ! :)
God Bless my people! Hope everyone is doing good and staying positive. I hope I can be an encouragement however that is.. and feel free to blurt out your opinions I love them.. and let me know if you'd like me to respond, cus i will.. but i don't wanna seem rude in any way by my responds so just saying.. I have some hard opinions, that do hurt at times.. anyways.. just a warning.. although I doubt anyone but maaaybe.. my 2 friends who follow will even read or say anything.. lol. Love you anyways! :D
Hope and Love!
Outty!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Getting used to Everything.. yet not
It was a pretty crazy awesome day. Fire alarm this morning woke me up right before I planned on getting up so wasn't able to get ready in time for class.. bleh.
So slept until my next class, this time didn't give myself time to eat, so I like shoved a burger and fries in me in about 7mins then went to my next class. Three classes in a row then went out to eat, another Italy abroad reunion, but with Karissa this time, one who doesn't go to Byran ha. It was pretty awesome to say the least, but 14 people is a lot.
In my PSGS class today it was very interesting, or made me more interested in the whole foreign policy things. I already didn't like the way our country went about and did war just because they wanted to. And not I know.. yeah didn't care too much to find out if there were laws against what they were doing, or rather didn't find out what exactly they were, I had a little in-cling that it was there somewhere. Anyways, I was fired up at all that.
The way our country just decides to go to war cause they don't like the way the country runs itself.. we want out fake democratic system to rule the world cause we think we are the best. No we were the best, maybe, and that was only because we did look to God as our guide in ruining this country, especially more so when it started. But its not really something that can be said, and I agree to a point, we can't really know the people who started it, they aren't here personally to defend themselves, but you can look at our constitution and see God and biblical principles, that differentiated us from Britain, if that is correct-I am working on my history.. and all memory really. So.. I am not sure what more I say.. oh yeah.. well sort of. I'd like to add that our country has handled these disagreements among itself so terribly, making laws to do something that is already a law but making a dumber one, and then not even following it in the first place. United States get your act together please.. I at least would like American to get more involved and take advantage of the rights we have to go to the federal gov and get what we what, with certain grounds, and get our rights back as the people.. and US get your stupid guns and troops out of the middle east.. we have done enough.. get "us" out of everywhere until we have a legitimate reason, for example us getting attacked, to go to war on someone..
And my second class, Lifespan Christian Ministry, always want to call it lifespan development.. i don't know.. ugg.. Its interesting. I don't think I agree with Erikson's way of our personality development continuing into adult hood.. but that is only because I haven't quite figured out what personality is. People have so many ideas and I haven't quite found one I agree with.. well if i have i have forgotten it. Personality is such a difficult subject. I think that as we age and grow and learn it has an affect of us and the way we process and see things.. I don't think anything can change our personality, I think God is the one that chooses who you are. And your life experiences, well on another topic is that he puts them all in place so you can become who he wants/has you planned to, but on the other end or different.. well yeah again your life just plants what Erikson's theory does say, how you learn to trust and stuff in that manner, but (we talked only about the first stage today.. trust/mistrust) so when looking at it from that stage and how it can go on throughout the life and never move forward, I believe that it doesn't change your personality if you stay or move on, it may strengthen how you look at yourself and how others look at yourself, but isn't your personality who you are? And your soul what keeps you alive, what makes you being, apart yet with God? I don't know I am still trying to find out what I believe in different aspects/ areas of life.
That's why I love college.
(but yeah still wish it could be a bit more productively busy)
I want to try, next week, to read, firstly the list of must read books everyone says all the time, i missed out on a lot, and then maybe even write my opinions of them.. a small report/review of some sort. I love writing.. I like researching too.
well I will do and end up where God wants me to.
Oh and I am loving my boyfriend right now..
and enjoying the wait we have together as we learn more about each other and what God may have planned for our lives.
I hope to make a humungo impact on society by digging into what the governments have done wrong and what they have done right, and how we as a country want to see the wrongs righted and what they believe we have done right to begin with. Get it a people country again. stir some real strong world changing debates.
Or help people with their individual lives and help them figure out what they love to do and encourage them and help give them resources to make it happen instead of just a bunch of words that may help but in the end don't get anything to happen, no real activity. But I do like to get people to think, but I like actions better. Which is what I would like and continue to do with my life, do what I say I'd like to try to accomplish with my life and education.
So slept until my next class, this time didn't give myself time to eat, so I like shoved a burger and fries in me in about 7mins then went to my next class. Three classes in a row then went out to eat, another Italy abroad reunion, but with Karissa this time, one who doesn't go to Byran ha. It was pretty awesome to say the least, but 14 people is a lot.
In my PSGS class today it was very interesting, or made me more interested in the whole foreign policy things. I already didn't like the way our country went about and did war just because they wanted to. And not I know.. yeah didn't care too much to find out if there were laws against what they were doing, or rather didn't find out what exactly they were, I had a little in-cling that it was there somewhere. Anyways, I was fired up at all that.
The way our country just decides to go to war cause they don't like the way the country runs itself.. we want out fake democratic system to rule the world cause we think we are the best. No we were the best, maybe, and that was only because we did look to God as our guide in ruining this country, especially more so when it started. But its not really something that can be said, and I agree to a point, we can't really know the people who started it, they aren't here personally to defend themselves, but you can look at our constitution and see God and biblical principles, that differentiated us from Britain, if that is correct-I am working on my history.. and all memory really. So.. I am not sure what more I say.. oh yeah.. well sort of. I'd like to add that our country has handled these disagreements among itself so terribly, making laws to do something that is already a law but making a dumber one, and then not even following it in the first place. United States get your act together please.. I at least would like American to get more involved and take advantage of the rights we have to go to the federal gov and get what we what, with certain grounds, and get our rights back as the people.. and US get your stupid guns and troops out of the middle east.. we have done enough.. get "us" out of everywhere until we have a legitimate reason, for example us getting attacked, to go to war on someone..
And my second class, Lifespan Christian Ministry, always want to call it lifespan development.. i don't know.. ugg.. Its interesting. I don't think I agree with Erikson's way of our personality development continuing into adult hood.. but that is only because I haven't quite figured out what personality is. People have so many ideas and I haven't quite found one I agree with.. well if i have i have forgotten it. Personality is such a difficult subject. I think that as we age and grow and learn it has an affect of us and the way we process and see things.. I don't think anything can change our personality, I think God is the one that chooses who you are. And your life experiences, well on another topic is that he puts them all in place so you can become who he wants/has you planned to, but on the other end or different.. well yeah again your life just plants what Erikson's theory does say, how you learn to trust and stuff in that manner, but (we talked only about the first stage today.. trust/mistrust) so when looking at it from that stage and how it can go on throughout the life and never move forward, I believe that it doesn't change your personality if you stay or move on, it may strengthen how you look at yourself and how others look at yourself, but isn't your personality who you are? And your soul what keeps you alive, what makes you being, apart yet with God? I don't know I am still trying to find out what I believe in different aspects/ areas of life.
That's why I love college.
(but yeah still wish it could be a bit more productively busy)
I want to try, next week, to read, firstly the list of must read books everyone says all the time, i missed out on a lot, and then maybe even write my opinions of them.. a small report/review of some sort. I love writing.. I like researching too.
well I will do and end up where God wants me to.
Oh and I am loving my boyfriend right now..
and enjoying the wait we have together as we learn more about each other and what God may have planned for our lives.
I hope to make a humungo impact on society by digging into what the governments have done wrong and what they have done right, and how we as a country want to see the wrongs righted and what they believe we have done right to begin with. Get it a people country again. stir some real strong world changing debates.
Or help people with their individual lives and help them figure out what they love to do and encourage them and help give them resources to make it happen instead of just a bunch of words that may help but in the end don't get anything to happen, no real activity. But I do like to get people to think, but I like actions better. Which is what I would like and continue to do with my life, do what I say I'd like to try to accomplish with my life and education.
Books..
Oh and I just got reminded of why I like to read..
Information-fun-a new life-good way to learn- in the end it really helps you whether you read fiction or not.
I wanna be different, not looked down on, but yet be only an example of who Christ is.
And that is hard, and by what I say It should be obvious I have a ways to go.. but don't we all.
My Journey.
Let it be.
Have one too.
Be unique.
Be You.
Follow Christ and not the world.
Information-fun-a new life-good way to learn- in the end it really helps you whether you read fiction or not.
I wanna be different, not looked down on, but yet be only an example of who Christ is.
And that is hard, and by what I say It should be obvious I have a ways to go.. but don't we all.
My Journey.
Let it be.
Have one too.
Be unique.
Be You.
Follow Christ and not the world.
The middle of the night-new old insight
I always get inspired by watching people succeed. It doesn't bother me if they go through issues and in the end they lost what they have made, its just a matter of getting there and saying that you can do it. And in the end I'd hope to inspire others to not give up.
I suck at blogging there is no doubt, but it is a good way to occasionally type out a ton of my thoughts I am having, like now in the middle of the night, or maybe during a time I'd like to share my life with the world. ha, no one cares too much but one day I'd hope to catch the attention of people.
I really wanna go to law school. I am not sure exactly how my undergrad is going to go quite yet though. I am at Bryan, I do know I would like to double major and minor in something and graduate in less than 6 years total. I applied to APU, if i did my math correctly I should be able to graduate 2 or at least 1.5 years earlier than at Bryan. Of course, id like to take a semester off and then work a summer. I have to pay for the price difference so even if I didn't something, I'd have to figure out how to pay for it. Even Bryan at this point. Praise God for Drew and his kindness in paying the last bit left of my tuition so I could stay and attend this semester. Now I need to figure out another 1000 or pray I get in with the semester payed for at APU.
I'd like to at least go to California. We'll see.
I would like to also not change majors, Bryan: politics and government-prelaw and christian ministry: leadership (want to add a psychology minor), at APU I'd like to do: political science:prelaw, and psychology with a biblical languages minor.
I'd like to be a paralegal... not sure how my life is going to go, but I'd hope and think it could last another 3 years at law school.
See, undergrad, these 19 credits, 7 classes, a ministry and group is not enough for me, I get bored easily my mind needs to be constantly stimulated. It was interesting today in general pysch about someone/people trying to invent a drug that you dont' need to sleep. I just need to manage my time better. I can make it, I (firstly need to thank the wonders of the computer saving watchacallit and dislike the mysterious uses of keyboards that kill a tab as you type too fast and sporadic... lol :P ) anyways... I believe I was saying how I just need to somehow manage my time better.. hmm like read at least a few pages every so often, I'd like to get involved more, I'd like to have a job. I was trying to do a sport, volleyball I just suck and so its not helping my mind very much in fact it was not fun, I need to start slow at the gain of the mental ability to do handle sports.. lol it hurts my eyes and brain, its just not my thing.
People keep saying I should do something in health and go to art school. Man would I love to do that. Maybe I can go during the summers while in law school.. and do like interships or whatever you call it or I do while in school.
Id like to start my family as well, at least winding down to the end of it. But God has that planned out, I am okay with whatever.
See I always have a backup of a backup plan, just in case one doesn't work out these are my other ideas, I am just interested in too many things.. bleh. I am typing this really fast, my mind is working hard tonight lol. Its almost 2am, when I wanted to go to bed. I like this idea. Bed at 2. It works for me. Now I need to manage everything else and figure out who I am, keep my mind busy, when it's busy in a good way I remember more. I am weird apparently, I like it, being different, but I also like finding people that are like me, it makes me feel like that part is real and not just me making something happen. Cause sometimes, stupid discouragement of people that don't know that's what they are doing to me, I feel like that is making me make me have reactions or just be like I am sometimes.. hmm well all well life is a work in progress. Always learning.
Goal: to show Christ in all I do. Be determined and never give up. God doesn't give up on us. Be an example, uh duh Jesus is the ultimate. hmm.. I like that talk. To be able to be able (hehe) to talk like a theologian that knows what he/she is talking about but with political lengo.. hmmm but I may need to fix my English skills up a bit... hey isn't that what college is for? hehe..
This is Kayla @ MyMindsCrazyWindowView.blogspot.com and this is THE LIFE OF MY MIND!
(for reals man I am getting this language thing down.. This semesters goal is to learn to commmunicate verbally, conversationally, and of course to better express the thoughts and patterns of my mind to others.. along with myself cus it's gotta start there.. hmm HEY! This is like both, I am talking "to myself" but yet it's a blog.. for ee..vv..err...yy..body! :D )
GOD BLESS!!
HOLA MY BROTHA'S and SISTA'S! Christ be with ya!
PEACE!
I suck at blogging there is no doubt, but it is a good way to occasionally type out a ton of my thoughts I am having, like now in the middle of the night, or maybe during a time I'd like to share my life with the world. ha, no one cares too much but one day I'd hope to catch the attention of people.
I really wanna go to law school. I am not sure exactly how my undergrad is going to go quite yet though. I am at Bryan, I do know I would like to double major and minor in something and graduate in less than 6 years total. I applied to APU, if i did my math correctly I should be able to graduate 2 or at least 1.5 years earlier than at Bryan. Of course, id like to take a semester off and then work a summer. I have to pay for the price difference so even if I didn't something, I'd have to figure out how to pay for it. Even Bryan at this point. Praise God for Drew and his kindness in paying the last bit left of my tuition so I could stay and attend this semester. Now I need to figure out another 1000 or pray I get in with the semester payed for at APU.
I'd like to at least go to California. We'll see.
I would like to also not change majors, Bryan: politics and government-prelaw and christian ministry: leadership (want to add a psychology minor), at APU I'd like to do: political science:prelaw, and psychology with a biblical languages minor.
I'd like to be a paralegal... not sure how my life is going to go, but I'd hope and think it could last another 3 years at law school.
See, undergrad, these 19 credits, 7 classes, a ministry and group is not enough for me, I get bored easily my mind needs to be constantly stimulated. It was interesting today in general pysch about someone/people trying to invent a drug that you dont' need to sleep. I just need to manage my time better. I can make it, I (firstly need to thank the wonders of the computer saving watchacallit and dislike the mysterious uses of keyboards that kill a tab as you type too fast and sporadic... lol :P ) anyways... I believe I was saying how I just need to somehow manage my time better.. hmm like read at least a few pages every so often, I'd like to get involved more, I'd like to have a job. I was trying to do a sport, volleyball I just suck and so its not helping my mind very much in fact it was not fun, I need to start slow at the gain of the mental ability to do handle sports.. lol it hurts my eyes and brain, its just not my thing.
People keep saying I should do something in health and go to art school. Man would I love to do that. Maybe I can go during the summers while in law school.. and do like interships or whatever you call it or I do while in school.
Id like to start my family as well, at least winding down to the end of it. But God has that planned out, I am okay with whatever.
See I always have a backup of a backup plan, just in case one doesn't work out these are my other ideas, I am just interested in too many things.. bleh. I am typing this really fast, my mind is working hard tonight lol. Its almost 2am, when I wanted to go to bed. I like this idea. Bed at 2. It works for me. Now I need to manage everything else and figure out who I am, keep my mind busy, when it's busy in a good way I remember more. I am weird apparently, I like it, being different, but I also like finding people that are like me, it makes me feel like that part is real and not just me making something happen. Cause sometimes, stupid discouragement of people that don't know that's what they are doing to me, I feel like that is making me make me have reactions or just be like I am sometimes.. hmm well all well life is a work in progress. Always learning.
Goal: to show Christ in all I do. Be determined and never give up. God doesn't give up on us. Be an example, uh duh Jesus is the ultimate. hmm.. I like that talk. To be able to be able (hehe) to talk like a theologian that knows what he/she is talking about but with political lengo.. hmmm but I may need to fix my English skills up a bit... hey isn't that what college is for? hehe..
This is Kayla @ MyMindsCrazyWindowView.blogspot.com and this is THE LIFE OF MY MIND!
(for reals man I am getting this language thing down.. This semesters goal is to learn to commmunicate verbally, conversationally, and of course to better express the thoughts and patterns of my mind to others.. along with myself cus it's gotta start there.. hmm HEY! This is like both, I am talking "to myself" but yet it's a blog.. for ee..vv..err...yy..body! :D )
GOD BLESS!!
HOLA MY BROTHA'S and SISTA'S! Christ be with ya!
PEACE!
Monday, May 23, 2011
Summer vacation.. and my life!!!??
Guess what guys.. :O Another post. Yippie woohoo!!
So far.. not too much has happened.
I have a job opportunity..
I found out how much college is going to cost (Median Cost is $380,000)
Been thinking about how I think I wanna live in D.C.?? lol But of course I wanna visit it first.
And okay this blog thing is so almost pointless, but I plan on doing more with it later on this Summer. Hey you never know what i'll do, I did write a second post though heheheee lol..
I don't really have much more going through my mind than normal. School, not wanting to deal with money, hmm.. future.. duh! lol.. that's basically it all is anyways.
Ah but I was thinking about how my past connected with where I am now and without things happening I wouldn't be here and all that crap if it at all makes sense. lol.
OOooo, hey guess what I can totally right about Italy can't I??? haha.. well yes I can! lol.
In all seriousness, this past year has been a fantastic time of growth for me, well not all fantastic, guess that's the wrong word but yeah lol. I wanted to go to college real bad, I gave in and took my stupid GED. I would not have gone to college if I passed my chspe or went to high school, or didn't get pulled outta 8th grade or didn't have my heart procedure done.. bleh lol.
Fall semester came at the perfect time in my life, I am learning to give my life wholly to Christ and listen and follow him. It is a challenge for sure, and everyday I fail and everyday I try to pick back up where I left off and keep going. Without failing my music classes I would not have switched my major to something I love even more than Music, which is God, which is the reason I want to do music, but it's just not time I guess. I have no idea what led me to Italy in the first place, except God, which is what led me buut it's still hard to believe I am listening. I had enough money at the right time to get pay italy, mainly cause I did the math wrong and had to pay what i had in the bank instead of off the loan, but I spent all the money on things i needed, minus what i bought my friends, i am glad i did that though. Plus it all worked out anyways.
Christmas break was pretty good, I was able to stay calm and I enjoyed that break more than i ever had enjoyed a break before, it was just a little too long for me though, couldn't wait to start the semester and in Italy no less. Although truthfully I didn't have much emotion to the idea of Italy, even when there I was just like, eh whatever all i cared about was what i was learning, being in classes. I was also trying to get outta my comfort zone a little more, just as I had been doing in the fall semester; cept this time I was working on keeping it cool, like I always do, going back and forth in my observation of how people react to things i do and when i don't do that. I didn't do that much in the fall, a couple peopled saw that when i got back from italy, which was when i was trying to start that again. I don't like to upset people, and i tend to give people the wrong impression. I don't like how people judge but they do, i wish they would all just confront me and let me try to explain whatever the heck i did... but you don't get that in life most of the time, so i try to work on how i do things right off. Which is hard too. Ah not to mention I am working on trying my best at that so I don't have to regret any of what I do, and come to terms with its not my fault that people see things the way they do, including me, i cannot forget that i am a person who may see things differently than the person originally intends them too also. So yeah. (sorry distracted a bit, was texting) hmm where was I??? ah lets see if i got this right, lol.. So that's part of what I was working on while i was there, seeing all angles of things and digging inside of me, admitting to things and working on admitting them to people as well. I had a moment where i realized I didn't like people, yeah it was true just at the same time it wasn't. See I met a boy, some of you know who, and we talk a lot about who we are, our past, what bothers us about ourselves, and what we like about ourselves, our interests and who we think we are and what we want to be and those kinds of things. And he has helped me open up about a lot of stuff, now of course I can't say everything all at once, mainly cause I am still learning it and don't see it at first. But all that has to do with me making some connections. I didn't know why I didn't like people.. there were a few other things involved that I don't feel comfortable saying online so going on. And moving to Reno, not going to school being "alone" with just family for a couple of years really kinda, I don't know.. It just let me be in my shell i guess. High school life was basically that, I mean i got in some time with school and people every so often buut basically being poor and moving a lot cause of it and a few other reasons at times didn't do much to helping me in anyway.. well at least at the time.. I say looking at it now, it kinda did help me get to this point. But yeah.. hmmm Back to Italy??? lol.. grrr distractions distractions.. i get mixed up at what the whole point was sometimes, but technically it does all connect lol. Okay so Italy, well yeah I think that's basically it. I mean I talked to a couple people about it, I am trying to take others more into consideration, I am trying to admit and see myself and my issues for what they are, or at least could be. I want to do a lot with my life and part of that means I have to get comfortable in my own skin.. with who i am. And I want to have people there for me, and I want to be able to be there for other people as well. So speaking of that dude, coming to this point, I am able to now not look at other people and always have multiple people in my head, I am able to control more of what is in my head by admitting to it.. it really works when you try to get to the root of any issue you have. Like you have a hard time seeing what people see, why? Look to my past look at how I think of myself.. try to make connections.. why do people react to me in these ways? Most of the time you won't see the issue that you have until you go looking or look to other people to help pinpoint it. I talked with people, but I really relied on God. And I admit I still struggle with my past a bit, but I have to come to the point where, hey I am not going to let this bother me, I have something ahead that could end up great and I don't want to pull myself down any longer. I feel like some of this could be from Daddy issues, but I honestly haven't figured that one out yet... and i'm not sure if i ever will, at least on my own. Statistics say it is so.. but this time I am not sure if it is specifically that or how I have made it in my own head. I believe most of our issues are in our head.. well not all the time and not always literally but yeah.
Okay.. dadadaaan!! I believe that life is a spiritual battle... seriously and all our issues are basically the devil prying into our mind, and God puts him there so we can learn about him better and who he is. Without issues we would not be able to fully understand the Love of God. Cause then life would be perfect and all dandy and we wouldn't have any issues about anything and God would just be our creator, we would not be able to understand what love really is, or why it is, with troubles and issues we can distinguish the difference between things in life, such as love.. and yeah. lol. :) Its just confusing so I do my best.. at least try to do my best, and I believe I am, sometimes. Sometimes I don't care and I just want to do nothing but be able to calmly think... but whatever.. right now this life is about God.. and what can I do to represent his love and why are we here? Well he wanted us.. who cares why exactly I mean in ours eyes it seems selfish in my opinion and i am sure it does to others too.. but why in the heck else would we be created or be here.. uh for the glory of our creator duh. Anyways.. i went a little like off a bit on everything I am pretty sure I have said what I wanted to.. for the most part lol.. buut whatever if i haven't i guess... I can say more another time..
And this a small portion of the life of my mind!
I "try" to hit every possible topic that has any connection to what I originally started thinking about.. :)
God Bless!!
So far.. not too much has happened.
I have a job opportunity..
I found out how much college is going to cost (Median Cost is $380,000)
Been thinking about how I think I wanna live in D.C.?? lol But of course I wanna visit it first.
And okay this blog thing is so almost pointless, but I plan on doing more with it later on this Summer. Hey you never know what i'll do, I did write a second post though heheheee lol..
I don't really have much more going through my mind than normal. School, not wanting to deal with money, hmm.. future.. duh! lol.. that's basically it all is anyways.
Ah but I was thinking about how my past connected with where I am now and without things happening I wouldn't be here and all that crap if it at all makes sense. lol.
OOooo, hey guess what I can totally right about Italy can't I??? haha.. well yes I can! lol.
In all seriousness, this past year has been a fantastic time of growth for me, well not all fantastic, guess that's the wrong word but yeah lol. I wanted to go to college real bad, I gave in and took my stupid GED. I would not have gone to college if I passed my chspe or went to high school, or didn't get pulled outta 8th grade or didn't have my heart procedure done.. bleh lol.
Fall semester came at the perfect time in my life, I am learning to give my life wholly to Christ and listen and follow him. It is a challenge for sure, and everyday I fail and everyday I try to pick back up where I left off and keep going. Without failing my music classes I would not have switched my major to something I love even more than Music, which is God, which is the reason I want to do music, but it's just not time I guess. I have no idea what led me to Italy in the first place, except God, which is what led me buut it's still hard to believe I am listening. I had enough money at the right time to get pay italy, mainly cause I did the math wrong and had to pay what i had in the bank instead of off the loan, but I spent all the money on things i needed, minus what i bought my friends, i am glad i did that though. Plus it all worked out anyways.
Christmas break was pretty good, I was able to stay calm and I enjoyed that break more than i ever had enjoyed a break before, it was just a little too long for me though, couldn't wait to start the semester and in Italy no less. Although truthfully I didn't have much emotion to the idea of Italy, even when there I was just like, eh whatever all i cared about was what i was learning, being in classes. I was also trying to get outta my comfort zone a little more, just as I had been doing in the fall semester; cept this time I was working on keeping it cool, like I always do, going back and forth in my observation of how people react to things i do and when i don't do that. I didn't do that much in the fall, a couple peopled saw that when i got back from italy, which was when i was trying to start that again. I don't like to upset people, and i tend to give people the wrong impression. I don't like how people judge but they do, i wish they would all just confront me and let me try to explain whatever the heck i did... but you don't get that in life most of the time, so i try to work on how i do things right off. Which is hard too. Ah not to mention I am working on trying my best at that so I don't have to regret any of what I do, and come to terms with its not my fault that people see things the way they do, including me, i cannot forget that i am a person who may see things differently than the person originally intends them too also. So yeah. (sorry distracted a bit, was texting) hmm where was I??? ah lets see if i got this right, lol.. So that's part of what I was working on while i was there, seeing all angles of things and digging inside of me, admitting to things and working on admitting them to people as well. I had a moment where i realized I didn't like people, yeah it was true just at the same time it wasn't. See I met a boy, some of you know who, and we talk a lot about who we are, our past, what bothers us about ourselves, and what we like about ourselves, our interests and who we think we are and what we want to be and those kinds of things. And he has helped me open up about a lot of stuff, now of course I can't say everything all at once, mainly cause I am still learning it and don't see it at first. But all that has to do with me making some connections. I didn't know why I didn't like people.. there were a few other things involved that I don't feel comfortable saying online so going on. And moving to Reno, not going to school being "alone" with just family for a couple of years really kinda, I don't know.. It just let me be in my shell i guess. High school life was basically that, I mean i got in some time with school and people every so often buut basically being poor and moving a lot cause of it and a few other reasons at times didn't do much to helping me in anyway.. well at least at the time.. I say looking at it now, it kinda did help me get to this point. But yeah.. hmmm Back to Italy??? lol.. grrr distractions distractions.. i get mixed up at what the whole point was sometimes, but technically it does all connect lol. Okay so Italy, well yeah I think that's basically it. I mean I talked to a couple people about it, I am trying to take others more into consideration, I am trying to admit and see myself and my issues for what they are, or at least could be. I want to do a lot with my life and part of that means I have to get comfortable in my own skin.. with who i am. And I want to have people there for me, and I want to be able to be there for other people as well. So speaking of that dude, coming to this point, I am able to now not look at other people and always have multiple people in my head, I am able to control more of what is in my head by admitting to it.. it really works when you try to get to the root of any issue you have. Like you have a hard time seeing what people see, why? Look to my past look at how I think of myself.. try to make connections.. why do people react to me in these ways? Most of the time you won't see the issue that you have until you go looking or look to other people to help pinpoint it. I talked with people, but I really relied on God. And I admit I still struggle with my past a bit, but I have to come to the point where, hey I am not going to let this bother me, I have something ahead that could end up great and I don't want to pull myself down any longer. I feel like some of this could be from Daddy issues, but I honestly haven't figured that one out yet... and i'm not sure if i ever will, at least on my own. Statistics say it is so.. but this time I am not sure if it is specifically that or how I have made it in my own head. I believe most of our issues are in our head.. well not all the time and not always literally but yeah.
Okay.. dadadaaan!! I believe that life is a spiritual battle... seriously and all our issues are basically the devil prying into our mind, and God puts him there so we can learn about him better and who he is. Without issues we would not be able to fully understand the Love of God. Cause then life would be perfect and all dandy and we wouldn't have any issues about anything and God would just be our creator, we would not be able to understand what love really is, or why it is, with troubles and issues we can distinguish the difference between things in life, such as love.. and yeah. lol. :) Its just confusing so I do my best.. at least try to do my best, and I believe I am, sometimes. Sometimes I don't care and I just want to do nothing but be able to calmly think... but whatever.. right now this life is about God.. and what can I do to represent his love and why are we here? Well he wanted us.. who cares why exactly I mean in ours eyes it seems selfish in my opinion and i am sure it does to others too.. but why in the heck else would we be created or be here.. uh for the glory of our creator duh. Anyways.. i went a little like off a bit on everything I am pretty sure I have said what I wanted to.. for the most part lol.. buut whatever if i haven't i guess... I can say more another time..
And this a small portion of the life of my mind!
I "try" to hit every possible topic that has any connection to what I originally started thinking about.. :)
God Bless!!
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